Sunday, April 20, 2014

Toasts | four years

© Photograph by Alice Gao Photography

I can hardly believe that I've been with this crazy awesome guy for four years.

Time -- it's quite a remarkable thing; it can fly by so quickly before your eyes, yet it can feel static at times, permitting us as human beings to live entirely in any and all given moments. I always experience that surreal feeling whenever I think about our relationship and how long it has been. There are times when I feel as if the day we'd met had only just happened the day prior (and that same spark is still ever-present) while similarly feeling as if we've known each other way longer than four years, possibly forever. To share that level of comfort with someone is so special, and I am thankful for it every day. 

As a young girl, I had always dreamt of what it would be like to have someone as your other (read: better) half. I wondered how it would happen; when it would happen; and more importantly, who this mysterious someone would be. Would he be cute (read: would he think I was cute)? Would he choose me in the same way I would choose him? Would he love me for all of my quirks (read: would have have similar ones)? Would we inspire each other to be the best version of ourselves? Would he know exactly how to hold my heart?

Fast-forward through the days of being unlucky in and wronged by love; of lost confidence and bruised self-esteem; and of endless longing to feel a little less impatient and alone. The singular word that brought us together -- crepuscular (i.e., of, relating to, or resembling twilight) -- is a constant reminder that having faith in where this life will take you can be tough at first but can be so rewarding down the road. The stars aligned for me on that fateful day four Aprils ago, when I received my first e-dating match (you know, for this guy named Marcus, hehe). Funny enough, it happened seemingly like twilight -- that destined meeting -- and suddenly, it was hook, line, and sinker. He was indeed cute then as he is now; loves me for all (errr, maybe most, haha) of my quirks; inspires me to be a better person each and every day; and holds my heart exactly how it should be held -- with warmth, care, and purpose.

Of the albums I've had on repeat lately, Sara Bareilles (who is no stranger to be mentioned here at Four Tines) and her most recent album The Blessed Unrest is one that truly resonates with me. There was one song in particular that got me right in the heartstrings, entitled "I Choose You". I'd recently discovered that she as a songwriter wanted to explore the idea of "creating space for love" -- an idea sparked incidentally by a fan who came up to her after a show and shared, "My wife and I love your music, but your music is always so sad, and we had nothing to play at our wedding..." So she didn't want write a song "simply to fill that niche" but to think about what a song like that would sound like and how she could manifest that feeling and sentiment inside herself. To her, that meant "a love note to the other half of your heart":

There was a time when I would have believed them--
If they told me you could not come true,
Just love's illusion;
But then you found me and everything changed,
And I believe in something again--

My whole heart
Will be yours forever;
This is a beautiful start
To a lifelong love letter--

Tell the world that we finally got it all right--
I choose you;
I will become yours and you will become mine--
I choose you, I choose you;


We are not perfect,
We'll learn from our mistakes--
And as long as it takes,
I will prove my love to you;
I am not scared of the elements,
I am under-prepared, but I am willing--
And even better,
I get to be the other half of you--

While I love the playfulness of the song and how her message and lyrics are strung together so seamlessly, that last line really is the real tearjerker for me because it rings so true. I get to be the other half of someone else, and if I get to spend the rest of my life being this someone's lobster, rock, soup snake, and heart-holder -- then I will know that I've lived my life wholeheartedly.

Happy Anniversary to Marcus, the guy I will always choose indefinitely -- I love you more than words can say, and I look forward to celebrating another wonderful year with you!

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